a bit of a cheesed off cat

Hey

Im pissed off. Feelin sorry 4 myself more like. Sumtimes i stop n think n just get so wound up bout things. i wd luv it if there werent such things as phones - then u wdnt keep checkin 2 c if u hav any new messages or not n then feelin down cos no one has txted u. i keep lookin at more outgoing ppl in my class which i no is pointless. its all so stupid. y cant i just b happy? well no i can be alright if i just dont think.

miss old times. old friends. i feel ppl r drifting away from me - not as close as we used 2 b. i hate change. i cant handle it. mum n dad r frustrated n worried - they try 2 help me but they cant. its up 2 u wot u do wiv ur life, who u talk 2, wot happens. i miss having milo n will at college n old things.

a year ago since me and charlie broke up. of course im ova him just now n then i think bout the time we had - but i immediately push it away. the thing that gets me is that i havent found sum1 since who i have got so close 2 n felt comfortable wiv. i am mostly happy wiv kings, just i hardly no him at all n when im wiv him i feel kinda shy n comfortable like i did wiv c. but everyone has been in the same situation b4. hopefully at uni il find sum1 lol.

thing is i feel alone cos lk iv come of age now n there's no point talkin 2 my parents cos they cant help me. most ppl wont properly listen 2 u cos they dont want 2 no. they don't want 2 hear negative stuff. they just dismiss it n change the subject. only a few ppl like dave will rele listen 2 me, n then i feel bad cos they must think 'oh she's so depressing.' i no im feelin sorry 4 myself. now n then that happens. im better than i was. sumtimes i just get so pissed off wiv everythin. i want stuff 2 b happenin all the time, 2 b content, b invited out a lot n have lots of friends. its all rele shallow stuff.

i hope me n kings get closer, but its not the same as wiv u no who. iv put that all behind me tho, but sumtimes u just think if only i knew wot wd follow. i get so worked up that im not livin life 2 the full n stuff n missin out. i think of the fun action packed life i did hav last year sumtimes.

recently tho i have just been striding on n bein tough, cos i hav 2. there's no point gettin down - wot does it achieve? u hav 2 b thankful for what uv got n carry on. things r always changing. just sumtimes u just feel like screaming n wish u cd turn the clocks bck. i neva thought i wd b like this when i was younger. will i always b like this? wot is true happiness? how can u achieve contenment?

its the attitude of young people 2day that rele bovvers me 2. its all 'live for the moment' just get pissed n wots the point of gettin depressed? most ppl dont understand. they dont want 2 no. only a few will listen. n u hav 2 treasure those ppl.

ah well.

Hey. U rele do get sum twats on msn. grrr.
Life is short n unpredictable. Am sad as sum1 close i no wont b wiv us 4 long; it puts things in perspective n makes u appreciate wot u have.
Im enjoying waitrose - all nice friendly ppl! am intrigued by adam but lol im probably reading 2 much into it all ready.
my m8 bring me so many smiles - make me laugh so much - had a RIGHT laugh wiv lindsey - she helped me realize wot a scumbag that boy is n that im wasting so much time thinkin ova him. she is such a fighter - rele brave n strong.
luv college, got no problems there
shd wash my hair soon :( boo such a bore.
college 2moz - shd b alright tho im screwing up science - grr dont like it. david is cool tho.
b sad when we all go 2 uni, but hey thats a while away!
xxx

Hey watching the news has sat me bolt upright n made me realize 2 stop my self-pity n realize that there r far more important things in life, n that u neva no wot is goin 2 happen. mourning ova a first love is not goin 2 get me anywhere. its tough tho cos i wish i cd go bck, but ppl r killed everyday n tortured. i hav my friends, its sunny, n i hav my whole life ahead of me. just wish i cd stop thinkin bout him n all that happened. xxx